tanzania months

surprise surprise

2006-05-29T16:27:00.000-04:00

hi! my friend ch was leaving so i changed my ticket and left with her the next day! so now i'm home. i surprised my parents and called sebby to pick me up from the pgh airport... they were really surprised. it was a good way to leave and avoid a lot of the sadness and dread of leaving a place and a whole existence. i didn't get to say goodbye to lots of people, for the better i think. i have to call ju from here because i didn't have the heart to tell her that i was skipping town early because she was taking her finals... i was happy to minimize the wanting to puke/leaving feeling to 24 hours instead of a week or two... and it was nice to chat with ch on the plane about other things until amsterdam and not really think about leaving...

now i'm home. nice to see mom and dad and sebby. but everything here is big and fast and i'm a little bit scared. hopefully, it'll go away in a week or so- otherwise maybe i'm going crazy.

i hate transition... but at least i have more time to get over it/spend time with people- instead of rushing etc before starting school at the end of august.

thanks for reading my things... it's helped me a lot and made me feel in touch.

so i hope i see all of you soon... i have to get my cellphone working again- then i'll give you a call... but i've really been moving pretty slowly.

love, ganga

mr. sunshine

2006-05-22T03:59:00.000-04:00

yay! rainy season's finally and officially over... i've been saying it in hopes of it going away for weeks, but it was finally gone when i got back from zanzibar. the road that we live on is dried up in all parts that aren't under a tree.

zanzibar was beautiful and the conference was super busy and a lot of work, but fun- nice to meet different and interesting people. i was getting sick of arusha so it was nice to get out and have conversations with new people. the lawyers at the conference were from different african countries and malaysia and they were all very nice and friendly. the only person i didn't like was the bossy lady from canada... she was really anal and reminded me of most things that i hate about home.. for meals, i used to sit away from the dining area and at a coffee table with a view of the beach and different people would always come and join me. the man from malaysia is president of a human rights place there, and also a poet and was nominated for a nobel prize for literature and he was really nice to me and would come and chat with me and gave me a book of his poetry and a pin that says 'no detainment without trial'... i didn't go to the beach at all because you had to take a security guard because of muggings... it was fun but so busy, i was happy to leave a day early. but i overestimated how much time it would take for me to get to the airport. and then i wasn't allowed into the airport for two hours so i sat outside of it and read... and then this old man who's ancestors are mostly from oman and a little bit from india invited me to sit in his office and chat for an hour. he was really friendly and told me about what he thinks the important things are in life... i met a lot of kindred spirits on the trip and it really made me happy.

then friday was j and sg's wedding. it was fun to spend the day with her and she looked really beautiful in her dress. ch was her maid of honor and had an applegreen dress made. the wedding was a lot of them being on stage and a lot of pictures being taken, and speeches made. her parents had sent a letter which they read out loud in both english and swahili. i'm really happy for them.. now they're in zanzibar on their honeymoon.

the new person from canada that'll be here for three months is supposedly arriving today. i feel bad because none of us know anything about when or how he'll get here. i hope everything works out for him.

my swahili teacher that was sick passed away last week. i had just sent him a text message two weeks before and he wrote that he was doing well. he had a really positive attitude about his sickness. it makes me sad to read my swahili notes and see the stuff that he wrote in my book. i hope his family is doing okay.

ju gets back in a week and a half. i can't wait. i like work and stuff but something's a little stale about arusha for me. i get mad to have too many aquaintences and not enough real friends.

it seems like now i'll stick to july 1st for coming home because time is passing so quickly, but we'll see.

i'm thinking of maybe climbing kilimanjaro with my swedish friend before leaving...

not much else. love, ganga

giraffes

2006-05-15T09:06:00.000-04:00

hi!
in zanzibar, left at 6 this morning and now it's almost evening. the travel here wasn't nearly as dreadful as i had imagined... the ceo's nice and friendly and it was easy...

went to arusha national park on saturday with two guys, one from lebanon and one from ethiopia- that swedish friend ka and i met last week. i also invited ch's boyfriend's sister to come. it was really fun. those guys were really friendly and informational and t's sister knows a lot about animals. the safari was nicer for me than the one with sebby because we got to get out of the car and walk to fun places- a waterfall and then up to about 15 giraffes that were really sweet and pretty. and we saw lots of flamingoes up close too.

was tired after that day...

so i'm here, and the conference isn't until the day after tomorrow. all i had to do was give a disk and some papers for bulk photocopying to the zanzibar law society guy that's putting everything together.. he's really nice. i can't really lay out in a bikini though because there's a sign near the pool that says if you intend to go onto the beach by order you have to take a security guard with you... and i don't want to do that. so i just sat by the pool with my clothes on and read a little bit. i have to say, it's really funny to be at a beach resort by myself. i mean the ceo's here, and he's really friendly and asks me if i've eaten yet and stuff, but i would rather just pretend that i'm by myself. i talked a little to the head lady from canada who works at the bar association that's sponsoring this conference and she invited me to go to town with them, but i said no- so i must not dislike being by myself that much...

it's really peaceful and pretty and hot here. when i went to the national park, the lebanese guy told me that there's an arabic saying that there are three things that can cure stress: greenery, water, and a beautiful face...

i forgot to bring my malaria medicine for this week... oh well. who cares, it was starting to make me crazy anyways...

i tried zanzibari prawn pilau for lunch which i didn't get a chance to try when i came with seb and it was good but for some bites i felt like i was biting into sticks of raw spices... a cat came and sat next to me while i was eating because it wanted food, but i kind of liked the company.

i'm reading a book called burmese days by george orwell, it's pretty good.

lots of love, ganga

thanks

2006-05-10T08:01:00.000-04:00

first of all, a million thanks thanks thanks to anyone who sent a donation to my mom for the hiv ngo. already, 3 people sent, and it's such a lot of money when converted...i really appreciate it and feel touched and happy. thanks a lot.

so let's see. yesterday we got really worried because we thought my roomate a was missing. her boyfriend had come by very concerned on sunday night saying her phone was off. but we had all gotten a text that said she'd be in moshi for the week... then he went to moshi and looked everywhere for her, checked her work there and her friends' houses and the hospital because that's where any foreigner would go if something serious happened. so after i spoke to him, we sat around being worried and talking. then sg called mama ukio who's kind of our program's head person here and she said that she had told her that she had a family emergency... so we didn't know what to think. anyways, then her boyfriend contacted the u.s. embassy to see if she had left the country, and to check the hospital in arusha... anyways, he called me this morning and told me he got an email saying she's ok and not to worry. apparently, they had just split up for good the day before. i just saw her online and she told me to make people not worried and that the truth is she's out of the country for a family emergency... so either europe or america i guess.

i leave at 6 am on monday morning to go to zanzibar for a conference for most of the week. i'm dreading it because i'm only going with the ceo and i don't know him very well...oh well. oh, and it'll be soooo boring staying in a hotel room by myself and having absolutely no friends. but that's an experience i guess. and the conference should be interesting. it's an east africa access to justice/legal aid conference and there will be people from lots of countries...i don't know if i have nice enough clothes with me. i hope so. i'm happy that mom sent some skirts with sebby. because with the coldish weather/unpredictable rain , i've been dressing like a garbage woman. hopefully it'll be warm in zanzibar...

then i will get back thursday night- and j and sg's wedding is on friday!

st got tested again and found out that he still has malaria- can you believe it? it seems like it's been a month. also, my swedish friend k has an amoeba stomach problem but now she's feeling better...

i'm happy it'll be warm when i come home. am i coming home soon? i can't decide if it's soon or not.

going to a birthday party at s's for his new girlfriend's birthday tomorrow. it should be fun. she's cooking i think. she's half danish and half tanzanian.

ok. it might be a while before i type again because of the weekend, then conference, then wedding.

lots of love, ganga

mambopoasafihabarinzuri

2006-05-08T04:48:00.000-04:00

hi!
i don't even know if you read this anymore because i write less frequently and have been here for a while now... but let's see. there must be something that i can tell you.

i had a good weekend. friends with s again and his friends. spent time with all of them this weekend. a slept at my place this weekend. i think it's because s's cousin ro is staying with him for the month, and i bet she's scared to sleep there when a boy has to sleep in the room with her, since the bad thing happened. ro's really nice though and i'm sure there's nothing for her to worry about, but i understand why she'd be uncomfortable...

went and played pool/mostly watched her and ro play pool on saturday afternoon and then we went out with others after hanging out at s's apt for a little bit. one kind of weird thing happened that ended up being joke. i was talking to ro's twin brother for a little bit, then basically they all started lying and saying that one person had aids, and then that person would say another person has aids. then ro's brother pulled out a piece of paper that was his hiv test results that said negative. that surprised me a little bit. but maybe he had just gotten tested so happened to have it with him. i don't know if what i just wrote sounds confusing, but i don't really feel like explaining- anyways, it all turned out to be joke and they were all lying to see who could be more convincing or something. it wasn't a funny joke- more confusing than anything else.

one thing i realize but don't like about being friends with people from here is this assumption of money and sometimes i feel put in a funny position. with friends, i don't mind and i feel comfortable explaining how i feel...but i don't like it when friends of friends just openly ask for money. one of a's friends texted me yesterday implying that she had to ask me a favor, but we're not friends at all and have spoken almost never. i'll have to learn how to say no i guess, but i know that i'm going to hate it.

it's a totally different attitude about money here..it's common for girls to go out with people etc. all because of the money (having things paid for or actually getting money)...it's kind of sad but people really don't have money so i guess those things seem relatively harmless. ro showed me pictures of him and his twin brother as guides for mt. kilimanjaro with two women. and one of them was his 43 year old girlfriend from finland and she paid for 2 years of his university... he was kind of laughing about it but it was true. and i guess the brother was the boyfriend of the other woman who was 38. ro and his brother are both one year younger than me.

so i think i'll be in cleveland for the next four years... social work and law..should be pretty exciting. i hope i can do it- i'm bad at staying in the same place for long time, and i'm bad at realizing the importance of things that i should...

there's a new person from canada that'll be coming to live in our house next month and he'll be working here too, so we'll overlap one month.

going to zanzibar mid next week for that conference and then will come back thursday night so that i can make it to j and sg's wedding next friday.

housemate a was sick with amoebas last week..now she's better.

hope everyone's doing well! love, ganga

may

2006-05-03T05:26:00.000-04:00

hi.

yeah, so my boss said i can leave early at the end of the conference to make it back for my housemate's wedding. and they're not doing a reception at the house anymore. now it'll be an actual wedding, she's having a dress made and everything... i'm so excited!

i said bye to drew this morning. he was here for a few days. it was a lot of fun. i had never really spent time with him before, so it's funny to think that he's had a longish glimpse into my life here. he's really nice and sweet and cooked a big indian dinner for all of us the other night. and he's actually a great cook, almost as good as jen! it was nice to see someone from home.

the weather's killing me lately. i can't stand the rain. and i'm so cold. i started wearing my fleece this week for the first time. and it's only going to get colder i think. i wish i brought more warm clothes. i feel like i dress in layers of garbage. just kidding.

not much news. might try and go to moshi this weekend. a little bit sick of arusha. we'll see. there are no more holidays this month and next. only 2 months left. time passes so quickly.

been hanging out with k, the swedish girl that's going through a divorce. she's really nice and we can laugh really easily together.

going to meet her for lunch now.

hope everyone's doing well

wedding bells

2006-04-27T03:00:00.000-04:00

hi! sorry it's been long.

so my housemate j is going to marry her boyfriend sg (our orientation coordinator when we first got here) next month. it's really exciting! and we're going to have the reception at our house with all of sg's family. he's their oldest and only son, so his parents definitely wanted to celebrate in some way, even though j and sg asked if they could just go on a long honeymoon to zanzibar instead of celebrating...it'll be fun. i just hope that i can make it. i have to go to zanzibar for work because there's a conference that ends on their wedding date, so i'll see if i can leave early or something. i'll feel bad if i miss their wedding...

st found out that he still has malaria.. he said that he felt ok though. he's going to get checked again tomorrow.

i think my malaria medicine is making me really anxious all of a sudden. the other day it was terrible and last night i had so much trouble falling asleep. it's anxiety for no reason, i'm wondering if i should stop taking it- i hate feeling anxious for no reason.

last week a big tree fell down in front of our gate from the rains. our poor nightwatchman had to chop away the whole thing in the morning after having stayed up all night.

oh, s isn't my friend anymore. it's bad because it also prevents me from being friends with all of his friends because we have no way of seeing each other because we always used to meet up at his apt. st told r everything- that s has a new girlfriend etc... so i think he'll be cold to all of us because of it. it's good that she knows because she had been planning on coming back to africa for him, but i think that she's mad at me because i wasn't brave enough to tell her. oh well. that's life. at least she knows now.

met up with a friend of a friend that i had never met before on monday after work. she was living in ny before she started travelling and she's interesting- she realized on her trip that she thinks that she wants to become a midwife...

drew from college is going to be in town this friday, it'll be nice to see him.

not much other news. have been entertaining the idea of maybe going home a little early to spend more time with family and friends because i don't know where i'll be in the fall. but it's kind of just a joke with myself. i don't know if i'm seriously considering it. i can't believe that there's basically only two months left..

yesterday was a holiday-union day-when tanganyika and zanzibar became tanzania. and supposedly monday's a holiday too..lots of holidays this month.

ok, lots of love, ganga

easter goatness

2006-04-18T04:57:00.000-04:00

hi. happy easter.
on easter morning s picked me up with 3 masai guys to buy a goat for them as a gift. he knew one of them from somewhere near his church or something. in the car, one of them started singing making a lot of gutteral noises, it sounded really interesting and s said that he said that he can't sing too much because he could get into a trance...he might've been joking, i don't know. anyways, we went somewhere a little out of town and they bought the goat and s and i waited furthur away so that the price wouldn't increase... then they tied the goat up by it's neck and feet and put it in the back of the car. it seemed a little like the goat knew what was going to happen. it whined/whimpered once or twice and that made me feel a little sad... then we drove to the woods behind an apartment building where a lot of masais hang out/maybe live (?) and they suffocated the goat to death in order to keep all of the blood inside. then they cut it open and a couple of other men came over and they ate all of the fat and a lot of the innerds raw... they ate so voraciously that it actually made it look delicious- plus i was really hungry. s and i didn't eat any. he didn't seem like he would ever consider it, and i wasn't up for testing my stomach/taste buds etc.. they switched into speaking kimasai a lot of the time so s didn't understand what was being said then either. one guy was saying something to me in kimasai and seemed like he wanted an answer but i had no idea how or what to answer so i felt bad that he looked confused by my unfriendliness/inability to understand. also, there's something that a lot of masais use in their nose. they kind of rub it in. it's a brown powder. s said he tried it once and it made him see pink and red... i didn't really know what he meant by that but i thought that since they use it so casually/regularly, it must be pretty mild. one of them brought it over and i said i'd try it and s asked them to show me how to. but the second they started, i changed my mind and said no. one guy started sneezing, spitting, and snotting everywhere and within seconds of rubbing it into his nose the second guy's eyes started to bulge and look very affected and he started putting his fist into the air above his head- must have been powerful? anyways, then we waited around while they finished eating the raw parts and then we drove to s's dad's office to try and get something but the dad wasn't there. so we drove back and then decided not to wait for the meat to cook. s took some pics that he said he'll email to me and i can email them to you if you want to see.
after i got home, mama and baba vivien who live in the house attached to us invited me and my housemates over for their easter lunch. they had a lot of guests visiting from kenya. it was fun and the food was delicious. we watched cheetahs hunting and stuff like that on tv the whole time. it was fun. also, they have a big ugly red-eyed rabbit behind their house that just had bunnies which are really soft and cute.
then yesterday was another holiday and the whole day was really boring and i just stayed in the house. my housemate j had a high fever last night. also, the volunteer in moshi that i tried to visit that was sick with the same type of malaria that her sister died from suddenly went home to canada this week. she was getting more sick and she felt like she owed it to her family to go home, especially because she couldn't tell them that she was so sick...

not much other news. i'm pretty bored lately...

tz friends

2006-04-12T04:33:00.000-04:00

hi. sorry for not writing for a little bit. it's confusing. this month has so many holidays so the work weeks are all choppy. yesterday was a muslim holiday but i don't know how to spell it so i don't want to attempt to write it. some man came in to "fix" my computer last week and i don't think it was broken- i think he came to install something, but now nothing works and the woman that deals with those types of things is out of the country, but back soon i'm thinking...

anyways, remember how i consciously decided to be more reserved when making male friends from here because of the whole bad/yuzzo/thing that happened? well, now i think i've found some nice friends that i can hang out with and i'm not misunderstood or anything like that... my housemate r that left a few weeks ago's boyfriend from when she was here- s, is really nice and actually a lot more open and friendly about inviting me to hang out than when she was here. he already has another girlfriend kind of- who i really like a lot. i don't think it's my place to mention anything to r because she's probably having a hard enough time already adjusting back to life at home and she was really obsessed with him-it would only hurt her feelings...

yesterday i went with him and two other boys to the house of his housegirl's relative because his housegirls's father passed away the day before yesterday. we just gave condolences and a small gift but didn't stay for food. then we drove to moshi for the rest of the day. we met up with some of his friends that i've met before and then i asked a friend that came with us, ro, to drive me to the visions volunteer house in moshi because i wanted to go say hello to the woman volunteer that was there when i stayed there for a week because i heard that she's really sick. she has the same kind of malaria that her sister died from a few years ago. also, the other two volunteers there have malaria. but when i stopped by, no one was home. oh well.

anyways, i had fun with them and feel comfortable and safe being the only girl. and i'm happy i found that because it seemed like it was going to be hard/not an option.

also, some people tell me that they hate indians but that they like me. s has been telling me that since i first got here about how much he hates indians. i keep telling them that indians are friendly, maybe just african indians aren't..it's true that they don't mix at all..when i see african indians places, they don't stare at me when i'm with expats, but they do if i'm with africans

being in the house here in arusha is so boring these days. st is over his malaria i think, but now he has something else, cold/flu type thing- so he's always sleeping or not talking...and j spends a lot of time in her room, although she's been more friendly lately.

not much other news.

i feel bad that i meet people that want to study but don't have the resources etc. and i think they want me to help them in some way...but i don't know too much about those things. anyways, it makes me feel lazy.

i'm pretty happy here now, i hope that the time doesn't start to pass too quickly

***

2006-04-06T04:04:00.000-04:00

hi

saw the president yesterday outside of our office. we're on the second floor and were standing on the balcony and he was posing for a picture with the presidents of uganda and kenya and other people. it was easy to recognize him right away because every business has a huge picture of him hanging up. i've noticed that from going around to businesses trying to fundraise for chawakua... it must be a law.

my housemate st has malaria. he felt nauseous yesterday morning and a woman from his work made him go to a clinic... so he's home today.

i've been kind of stressed and sleeping badly. seb has some family stuff going on so he calls me and gives me updates so i sleep lightly to hear the phone ring. and also, it's been raining really heavily throughout the night and that wakes me up... there was a lot of water on the floor of our sitting room this morning. i'm surprised my room doesn't get wet because i'm pretty sure my windows are open.

i had a nightmare last night that i was in egypt and i was recklessly driving a car by myself (yeah, most definitely a dream) and there were lots of people and animals (buffalos/cows etc.) in the road and i hit one that belonged to one of the men and it died. then the people around me started pouring oil on me and i got scared that they were going to light me on fire and kept asking why they were splashing oil onto me- but they wouldn't answer or would do it when my back was turned... then two people that i knew pulled up in a truck and i tried to communicate to them that i was scared and they pulled me into their car in between the two of them and we drove off. they explained to me that the people were going to burn me because that's the punishment for killing someone's animal. it was an awful awful dream... i think i dreamt it because the man in my book the white masai is starting to act a little crazy, and i was reading it just before bed.

i've noticed that people are so nice to me when i ride the dala dala alone. i think they must think that i'm going to fall out or fall over or something- because if i'm standing, they force a space and say 'let the mzungu sit down' or someone else that's standing makes me sit as soon as there's an empty seat. at first i'd say no no, but realized it's pointless and now i just say thanks....

going to hang out with a girl today who's recently been texting about meeting up. we've never hung out independently... she came here a year ago as a volunteer and married someone from here and only stayed married for a short short time and has now been going through a messy divorce. and she lives with her current boyfriend. and she also secretly dates other people. but none of it seems like it sounds once you meet her. she's very sweet and free spirited. i hope it's fun. i need more friends.

___

2006-04-05T03:10:00.000-04:00

hi-

there's a big meeting here, at the building complex that our office is in. the presidents from tanzania, kenya, and uganda are here for the EAC's summit meeting. it's funny, there are always guards standing at the entrance, but they never ever say anything as you come and go- but today two people feverishly asked me for id, which i don't have. . . i don't ever carry any sort of id with me anywhere.

i'm reading a book called the white masai and i'm almost finished with it. it's about a european woman who goes to kenya on vacation with her boyfriend and then falls in love with a masai man and leaves her life in switzerland to come back and marry the masai. it's poorly written, i think because it's translated, but a good story at its core. the woman is obviously crazy though, i feel like she has such skewed perceptions of what goes on around her. she seems to think that people look at her in awe of her beauty in situations where people are obviously freaked out by her. i'm exaggerating, but it's kind of like that...

yesterday i heard that my italian friend g is really sick. that he had to go to the hospital in the middle of the night and that he might fly home. i texted him and didn't hear back so i'll call him today. i bumped into his roomate on the way home from work and he said that he thinks he's making it up... weird that he would think that.
oh- g just called me. he said he's in the hospital "lying in bed like an idiot"... and that the fever's gone and he's better. that's good to hear.

getting used to r being gone...saw her boyfriend briefly when he came by to pick up his stereo and said we'll hang out sometime.

it's been really quiet in our house after work most nights. i'm really sick of pasta. but i have to say i'm soooooo appreciative of the parmesan cheese and the poptarts that sebby brought me when he came. i have a lot and i eat them a lot.

i know the kids that play outside of the house more these days. they're cute and as you get to know them cuter.

met our nightwatchmen's wife and kids this past weekend. his baby girl is one and a half and just like a doll. she has big eyes and sucks her thumb.

maybe going to uganda at some point to visit ju before she comes back... but i'm tired and want to wait for my residence permit to go through so that i don't have to keep buying visas back into tanzania...

ok. bye.

april

2006-04-03T04:05:00.000-04:00

hi!

weekend was good. happy april fool's day.

on friday, i went with st and this man that's in charge of food relief to two villages nearby that suffer most from the famine problems. we went there standing up in the back of a pick up truck. i don't think i've ever gone anywhere in a vehicle standing for so long. there was a guardrail to hold onto. it was a sunny and beautiful trip. apparently conditions have been improving since the rain and they don't think anyone will die from hunger until food comes from abroad in may, but they have had some people become unconscious from hunger... since there's been some rain, there are local vegetables available until food comes. it's silly that they send food from abroad because it only gets here after the worst of the drought is over because of all of the "assessment" that needs to take place before it can be sent... we met the chairmen of both villages and talked to them/asked questions and gave a donation... i hope that i have a good amount of money left to give before i go home... three hundred dollars can buy enough maiz flour to feed eighty families for one week...they showed us their record books of which families the last bags of maiz flour went to. it was interesting/weird to see the reality of a problem that i've heard about... a lot of cattle have died from the drought/hunger also. the ones that we saw were sooo skinny, but apparently getting better. we also passed a dump on the way there. everyone around our house burns their garbage so i wonder where the dump stuff comes from, businesses i guess?

went to a shaggy concert on saturday. it was a fun experience but shaggy seems like a funny character. he did a lot of random hip thrusts on stage...

r left to go home to canada. she was crying a lot before she left. sad that she's gone...

started becoming more friends with ch, the old volunteer that came back to be with her boyfriend here/see how it goes... she's nice and funloving...

not much news... a little homesick again today. it's funny how it just sneaks up on me. i miss kavi. i haven't talked to her in awhile.

ok. love, Ganga

chawakua

2006-03-30T07:50:00.000-05:00

hi.

you know how i said that i'm going to start volunteering part time with a local hiv/aids ngo? well, i started yesterday... it was good. but very frustrating. it's a completely capable organization that is severely underfunded. they used to do a lot when they used to receive funding from things like usaid, family health international, and the b and m gates foundation...the african organization that was funded by the others and providing chawakua with money was the one that was cut off. but now there really is no money... grants have been written but none granted so far. there are pictures of the clintons at one of their events when they used to be more active/when they had funding... maybe i should write to them for money? the staff is a hundred percent volunteer and very dedicated. it's really great to be around people who really believe in/care about what they do and don't care that their efforts are not rewarded and they're all personally running out of money... but they're willing to work and be there and care about improving things in their community.

but anyways, i think i'm going to try and fundraise in the us... i'll come up with a letter and send it to sebby and mom and have them give it to everyone i know and ask for at least 10 dollars... they only need around 50,000 dollars to create a sustainable vocational center...

i mean, people want to donate when it will make a difference- and this is essentially reviving a completely organized and capable organization. so much better than tacking on another million to a super rich organization that exaggerates about the necessity of what they do (reference to a previous bad work experience)...

more of that later. i spent all day yesterday walking around in the hot to local businesses asking for money or to see if they have an interest in giving money for transport so that their employees can be educated about hiv/aids by peer educators... i think something like one in ten people are infected in tanzania...

anyway, it seemed kind of pointless. because people either can't afford or don't want to say yes, but they also won't say no- they just say come back another day... even if they did give, it would probably amount to so little. each dollar would be a lot more money... so please keep in mind that i'm going to ask you for a donation...

onto other things.

egypt was really fun. cairo an amazing city, i hope to go back one day... i say that about a lot of places but this time i mean it a little more.

r is leaving tomorrow. supposed to throw her a going away something or other but i feel like no one wants to help me. i bought four big bottles of konyagi and put them on the kitchen table- it's a "local brew"- some kind of hard alcohol that they make here that tastes a little like rubbing alcohol... after work i'll go to look into getting a crate or two of bottles of soda... i asked ch, an old volunteer that came back to live with her boyfriend and she said she'll help me transport the crate(s)... i don't know. i guess people aren't interested in making an effort to send r off because maybe she didn't make many friends here besides her boyfriend... i feel like she was sooo nice and welcoming to me when i first came that i want to send her off well but i don't know why no one else wants to.

so someone at the rwandan tribunal died last week. i've heard different rumors- one was that it was from a minor stomach problem, another was suicide, and another was that there's a weird disease going around arusha that makes you die pretty much immediately... and a danish girl volunteer died last week also and that death is linked to the "weird disease" rumor too...

also, a friend of sg's that worked in the same building died from being stabbed by his neighbor during an argument... he says that he's sure that i've met him and described him but i couldn't recall- and am secretly hoping that i don't because it's easier not to.

anyway, doesn't it seem like a lot of death stuff happens here? maybe they're normal things that end in death only because the resources that may prevent them at home aren't as accessible to everyone here? i don't know.

tomorrow i'm going to the closest village that is most affected by the famine problem to donate some money with st and r. st knows a man from the church who tries to raise money for it that's going to take us there. i think sometimes the money that's allotted to famine or donated doesn't actually get to the problem so it's best to go give to the village directly... i wish i was personally rich and had a lot of money to my name. i'll give a little now and then whatever i have left over when i'm leaving...

all in all, i'm happy to be here. in a good mood. happy i'll be working with this ngo and another...

i really miss ju. she doesn't come back for another two months. but i really can't wait to hang out with her again.

talked to seb last night and laughed a lot, and then mom and deeter who i miss so much this morning. so that's made me in a super good mood.

lots of love, Ganga

egypt

2006-03-25T11:55:00.000-05:00

hi everyone

egypt has been an amaazing trip so far. left arusha a few days ago and took a shuttle to nairobi. our driver ran over a sheep on the way there because he didn't feel like slowing down i guess.. and then we had a problem with our tire so all in all it took us 8 hours to get to the airport. a took a different shuttle there, so she was there 2 or 3 hours before us. we flew at midnight to dubai and got there around 6 in the morning. we took a bus into town and walked around/shoppped for 6 hours. they both bought some electronics and i bought a scarf... for the first 3 hours of walking around the city there were absolutely no women in sight... it was kind of funny/noticeable. also, the men kept a lot of space and didn't really make eye contact or say anything which was very nice... only a couple twenty somethings said stuff like, 'hi girls!'...
the city was very clean and there were absolutely no beggars/streetkids on the road...

got to cairo and took a falouka on the nile at night with s, a girl that lives here that used to be in arusha who we're visiting, her friend l who i like a lot, and then r, a, and i... the next day we went to the pyramids and the bazaar which is a pretty fun place (kind of like greece-ish).. while we were there we met a family that works there that knows s and they were soooo sweet and brought chairs for all of us to sit with them even though we were pretty much blocking the street- and they gave us tea and bracelets that i said were pretty as presents.. they've invited us to their house for dinner tomorrow night. but r is missing her boyfriend and desperately wants us to fly back a day early, so we might miss it... went to dahab yesterday- beach at the red sea and then at 2 am a and i hiked mount sinai- where moses received the ten commandments... it was soooooooo beautiful and one of my favorite things so far. get along pretty well with a and took this trip to realize it. she left tonight to go back to arusha...

so things are good. i'm having a great time. i really like cairo but can't fight the compulsion to try and eat as much fast food as i can while i'm here. i know that's bad but that's how i feel... but i don't. s has a list of egyptian food that she wants us to definitely eat before leaving so we've eaten most of them- and a little mcdonald's in between...

lots of love to everyone- Ganga

sebby's gone

2006-03-20T03:23:00.000-05:00

hi everyone

seb left yesterday. we had sooooooooooo much fun. we were both really happy for every second that he was here. we hung out in arusha for the first night, then went on a short safari to ngorongoro crater, then to matemwe beach in zanzibar for a few days and spent the last night and day in stone town... then one more night and day in arusha- and he left yesterday.

and i think carlos and evelyn had their baby!!! not sure a hundred percent because we got a lot of missed calls and never actually got in touch- but i'm under that impression. i can't wait for pictures.

-(not true... baby's not here yet. at least seb didn't miss the birth!)

sebby brought electricity with him. it's been back since the day he arrived. rumor is that it's on because the president's in town but will either stay or be gone again when he leaves... we'll see

i'm happy and feel lucky that he was able to come and visit me. but now i'm sad that he's gone. it was really fun and much more fun than the fun that i thought i was having here before. and now it's hard to adjust/be happy here. and hard to like anyone around me. i know that it'll pass, it's just how i feel now. also, i leave for egypt tomorrow evening for a week and feel bratty because i don't feel like going at all. i have a bad stomach and feel very tired to go on another trip for a week... after we get back, i'm going to try and stay put for the rest of the time because i want to stay in one place.

sebby had a lot of fun on the safari, i felt a little bored being in a car for so long and the animals weren't as close as i expected- but a good experience i guess. a guy came along with us that's visiting one of my housemates- he was also really loving the safari. we both loved the beach in zanzibar- beautiful and not too touristified.. i was a little overwhelmed by the hustle bustle of stone town once we arrived there... but architecturally it's pretty etc. anyways, he took lots of pictures so i'll email them to you once they're uploaded.

we missed a big rain/a little bit of a flood when we were gone. i heard that a few people died, but mostly people living near the riverbank...

sorry not to be more bubbly, i should have written about the trip while i was on it and happy. now i feel a little sick and sad that sebby's gone and that i have to pack tonight and go again tomorrow. we're taking a shuttle to nairobi tomorrow afternoon and then flying out at midnight... i hope it's fun. it probably will be because i feel so reluctant about going/my expectations are low right now.

lots of love, Ganga

almost the beginning of fun

2006-03-10T01:31:00.000-05:00

on the way to work today, st elbowed me in the face when we were getting off of the dala dala and my lip started bleeding. he felt really bad about it, but it's a funny/kind of different start to the day.

he made me listen to a song this morning that basically said "people call me lazy, but they're crazy"... i think because i always wake up and get dressed for work and then get back in bed and rest for half and hour to 45 minutes...

r went to rwanda today. she's gone until monday. went to dinner with her last night and it was really fun. she borrowed her boyfriend's car and drove us... she and a are really brave about driving here. they borrow cars and drive when they get the chance. i don't think you could pay me a million dollars to drive here. i honestly think i'd say no. i hate driving at home, but this is a different story...we had one little confusion and had to pull over... but other than that i'd say her confidence takes her far...

last night was boring after dinner...went to listen to music...

i've noticed that yuzzo is barely around anymore. it must be weird for him to lose a whole group of friends and acquaintences...

inquired with s's housegirl about finding a housegirl for the aunty... but i need to email her and ask about the salary...

it's sweet. one of ju's suitors that used to stop by the office to see her still comes by to chat even though she's gone back to uganda. he must really like her. yesterday he told me a lot about the chagga(sp?) tribe and that both of his parents are chagga. he said that since he's the youngest born, it sounds like he has to live with/take care of his parents forever... he's very sweet. he was talking about the bad chagga stereotypes of being crooked when it comes to money and said that he believes them. he said that up until now he hasn't recognized it in himself, but it might come if he has it inside of him...

another one of her suitors gave me his business card the other day when i bumped into him.

i've talked to her a couple of times and emailed since she's been gone... i miss her but don't notice as much as i thought i would. which is a good thing. i think i prepared myself, so nothing's as bad as you imagine it's going to be...

it's friday and now time has decided to pass slowly with the knowledge that seb gets here tomorrow.

i might be less frequent with this typing while he's here because we'll be out and about... but i'll type again when i get a chance

have a great weekend

mganga

2006-03-08T03:39:00.000-05:00

hi!

according to people, mganga means witch doctor (or just doctor according to the dictionary) in swahili and i say "kama mganga" when i say my name so that people pronounce it correctly

i'm super duper sore from the kickboxing. more sore today than yesterday. lesson learned for not exercising for three months...

booked a short safari for when seb comes. we leave at 6 in the morning the day after he gets here. then get back and fly to zanzibar the next morning. then get back, and he goes home the next day...it's really going to be a whirlwind busy trip. i'm sure he's up for it though. i can't wait.

went to the indian aunty's house last night. made the mistake of eating before i went. i thought that she wouldn't have electricity so i didn't want to assume that she'd cook... but then she had made a lot of pani poori (sp?) and i had to eat again and she served me a lot... her son's my age and they spoke a lot of gujarati and kept insisting that i understood even though i told them that i don't... and i told them some stories and realized that people rip me off a lot...the safari guy and an indian man that owns a jewelry shop here- she said if i want to buy anything there again she'll take me and he'll charge her differently. oh, i asked her what it was that she had wanted to talk to me about before, and it was that she wanted me to work in their internet cafe... i practiced my swahili with her and she was encouraging and said that i know too much swahili... it was fun to go there... but after dinner we watched tv in hindi which i didn't understand so i got bored and really sleepy. i feel bad for her. her housegirl quit 2 months ago and she's been doing so much work on her own and she's older and needs help but says that she's embarassed to ask anyone to link her up with a new housegirl... she seems really tired..i'll keep an eye out for anyone that is looking or knows of someone looking for employment as a housegirl..oh, and she told me that i've gotten dark from roaming roaming all the time... and that i have dark circles from tiredness like her.. and she gave me lots of guavas from her tree to take home.

st said that his coworker zebby invited me to go with him to his house for lunch on sunday for a traditional chagga (sp?) meal (his wife's chagga)... but seb and i will be on safari. ju's mom is chagga and she told me that a stereotype of the chagga tribe is that they're known for making money/stealing money/businesses, and they're from the kilimanjaro region...

there's a women's day thing put on in this conference center where our office is... it's sponsored by the un i think. there are going to be a few speakers and i think the president of the country, kikwete, might be one of them. it's this evening. the whole event is only supposed to be an hour or an hour and a half... but i'm sure it'll end up being longer

supposedly the electricity problem will get better after the 10th of this month...but who knows...they say it's the worst drought in ten years

monday funday

2006-03-06T02:57:00.000-05:00

had a wonderful day yesterday. woke up early to catch a bus to moshi.

st and i went to moshi to visit our swahili teacher in the hospital. he has lung cancer and is paralyzed from the waist down. he's in the icu with other patients so we could only shout to him from the doorway of the room that they're in. we were standing in the doorway with some of his grandchildren, his daughter, a co-worker of his, and i think maybe his brother (an older man that looked like him).. he was really energetic and friendly and shouting a lot. he looked a lot younger too. maybe he had lost weight or got a haircut or something.. i don't know why. when i asked him if he has energy/strength, he said that he pretends that he does because once you stop pretending, you are conquered. he's going to the capital today for a possible operation.. there was one moment when he had a little bit of trouble and i got nervous. we were exchanging cell phone numbers and he was looking at his phone about to give me his number, and then he closed his eyes and started breathing deeply for a long time... then he opened his eyes, and did it again. but then whatever it was passed and then he asked me to say my number...
it really made me feel good to see him. he's great. it puts things in perspective/no one has problems if he can be so sick and be so happy/optimistic.

after the hospital visit, we stopped by the visions house in moshi to meet the two volunteers that were away during the week that we stayed there. it was nice to meet them. e and n, they're a couple that came here together. they were very warm and friendly and seemed happy that we stopped by and said that they'll come and see us in arusha some time. also, there are two dogs that live in the yard of that house, one with a really damaged looking face. they had just gotten there and were really scared and standoffish when we stayed there that week in january, but this time when we went there the dogs seemed so friendly and happy. it's amazing how those volunteers transformed the dogs just from petting and being nice to them for two months...

we have five or six dogs that "live" outside of our house, but none of us pet them really. only j, she loves them and pets them but they kind of won't leave her alone because of it.

oh, and our fridge is broken and stinking. a couple of days back, we weren't getting electricity at night either... because when it would come, there would be a "power surge" and we'd have to shut everything off etc.. so there was smoke and our fridge broke, and my cellphone charger doesn't work anymore.

so much for ever getting groceries...

st and i made dinner using the kerosene stove last night. i came up with the dish- rice with shredded carrots and oil, salt, and eggs mixed into it.

so ju left yesterday. not as sad as i thought i'd be, but this is only the first day.

i have a new friend, g, who's italian and reminds me a little of damon- looks like him a little and blinks similarly. he's really negative in a funny way. everytime you say "how are you doing?" he answers, "terrible, terrible".. yesterday he called me and the first sentence he said even before saying hello was,"ganga, my head is exploding, i am terrible". i'm supposed to meet him after work and go do kickboxing with him at some place that he's heard of. i'm a little bit sick so don't really feel like it, but it's a fun/new friendship thing to do so i'll go if he still wants to. i brought clothes with me to work.

the wesleyan kid, c, was supposed to leave for america this weekend, but he went to the airport yesterday and found out that his flight was actually on saturday... so he had to re-book for today.

that indian aunty called me yesterday and kept saying "where have you gotten lost?" and we made plans to do something tuesday. she said she'll pick me up after work.

so i'm trying to busy up this week so that it passes quickly- and then sebby will be here!

jennifer lopez

2006-03-03T02:25:00.000-05:00

hi

i've kind of lost most of any natural enthusiasm for "blogging" but i want to keep doing it for the rest of the time because i haven't been keeping a journal

so, how's everyone? i hope that you're all doing well. mom, you should call me- i have a question for you.

we made dinner last night for 11 people using that kerosene stove again. i've started to dread the thursday dinners a little bit just because i'm not excited about the long preparation part of it anymore- but it always ends up being really fun. this week, st's coworker zebby and his wife came. oh yeah, and i'm going to start working with chawakua (their hiv awareness org) a little bit in april. april because march is interrupted with travel plans (zanzibar, then egypt). and work here is picking up as well, so that's good. i feel more useful.

my swahili's getting better. i feel the best that i've felt about it so far. i feel like i can try and explain what i want to say in a very roundabout way if i need to/don't know a word. people's friendliness goes from 5 to a million once they realize that you're really trying.

this is unrelated. but i want to tell you about this cute little girl named jennifer lopez. she's ju's cousin. actually her name's jane, but pronounced in a way that it sounds like jenny- so ju calls her jennifer lopez. she's 4 but looks like she's 2 ish. and she's really messy and has a really calm and sweet face. she's ju's uncle's kid but they have a very hard life so she really likes to visit ju's mom and stay for a few days. she can eat as much ugali as a grown man, and she eats so fast. i'd like to have a kid like her because she seems like you could hug and kiss her a lot a lot and never hold back and she'd never get spoiled or bratty. there's something so nice about her.

the wesleyan kid, c, is leaving to the us this weekend for almost a month. we went to his house earlier this week and played a really fun game that i've never played before. it's fun to have things to do in the night because otherwise if we just sit around everyone gets sleepy around 8:30 without light.

we went out after the dinner last night and yuzzo sang where we were. we don't talk or look at each other. i passed him in the daytime the other day too. he knows that we all know the bad thing. part of me wants to think that it's something he doesn't know that he did/had no control over and that i can still be friends with him... i feel sad to not be friends anymore a little bit...but i know

oh, koplo, the taxi driver that i always call who's really nice and doesn't ever say a price anymore because friendship has been formed... he likes ju and always says funny things to her/calls her to say goodnight etc even though he's married- and he has a short temper and last night he got mad because he saw our friend k hold her hand and then she didn't feel comfortable going in the taxi alone with him...

not much else.

sebby will be here in a week and a day. i'm so excited that sometimes it's hard for time to pass.

love, Ganga

rainy season

2006-02-28T02:54:00.000-05:00

the weather's changing. it's suddenly not supersunny and hot anymore. kind of cloudy and cool- the beginning of rainy season i think.

it has to rain in the right places for the electricity situation to improve. it's pretty boring just sitting in the dark at night. kind of nice to talk... but pretty boring. not ever going to buy milk or meat while i'm here.

found out recently that our swahili teacher (when we took lessons during the first few weeks) is sick/dying in a hospital in moshi. he has lung cancer and he's paralyzed. i had plans to take a bus to moshi on sunday with st and visit, but then we realized that we would miss the afternoon visiting hours- so we're going to leave early this coming sunday to go. some of my roomates have gone already and said that you can only talk to him from a doorway of the room that he's in with other icu patients. he's a very charismatic and energetic man. and they said that he's still pretty cheerful.

ju's sticking around for this week. her mom wants her to wait until things completely calm down post-election before sending her back to uganda.

al just got back from monitoring elections there. she said that there was a lot less violence than there was in 2001, but she said it definitely wasn't fair. a lot of people voted more than once, and some people with valid voter cards were not allowed to actually vote...

things are good. sad that ju is leaving at the end of the week. and sad that there's still a whole week after this one to wait for sebby's arrival.

a okay

2006-02-24T02:37:00.000-05:00

hi.

anish, melis, seb, and mom all called me last night all within two hours or so. it was fun to talk.

now we don't have electricity everyday until 11 at night. so we have it all through the night until 7 in the morning... no water=no electricity. things might change if the rainy season to come is rainy enough...

we made a big dinner again last night- have done it for the past few thursdays... but last night we didn't have electricity so ended up using a kerosene stove that was in the pantry. it was nice. there's always a different mix of people that come depending on who each person decides to invite. i invited an and her friend (the one that's becoming st's maybe girlfriend).

afterwards we went out and i saw yuzzo but didn't ever interact. when i was leaving, he said my name a few times in a "i know you can hear/see me" way- but i just kind of winced and kept walking... i hope that that's just how it'll be.

oh. last week i didn't have any change so i gave a taxi driver a 10,000 shilling bill (cab ride at night is usually around 2,000) and said that i'll just get the change from him another time. he seemed nice and he was because he started calling me and texted me to ask about giving it back to me. so i told him to meet me last night. he was there, but he didn't have the change so i said oh yeah i'll just get it later. i don't care if he ever gives it, i just appreciate his effort to return it/being honest. i had never met him before so i thought that it was nice of him because he could have easily just avoided me.
there's another taxi driver called koplo that the wesleyan kid introduced me to that i call to come to our house a lot. it's really convenient because he doesn't charge anymore than anyone else would and he comes to our house- which i like much better than walking down the dirt road in the dark and then walking along a busy road, waiting for a taxi to stop. and he doesn't speak english but wants to learn and is a good person to practice swahili with. i see him in the mornings sometimes too when i get out of the dala dala on the way to work. he surprised me the other day when he put his hand through the dala dala window and grabbed my arm to say hello. i thought it was a stranger at first. he's a pretty jolly seeming man.

the other night a different taxi stopped to pick r, st, and i up and i didn't want to take it because there were two people in the car- and i've heard you shouldn't when there's more than just the driver. but r said she does it all the time. but then something was really wrong with their car because it got really cloudy and my eyes were burning and so were r's and st was trying to open the window but couldn't. r started saying "do you think we should get out?" when we were just on the road/not near our house... i didn't know why but then she told me later that she was remembering what i said about two people and got nervous that they were gassing us... hahaha. they just had a bad car that needs to be repaired. it was funny to see her get nervous about something. she normally never seems to fear/overthink anything.

ju took me on another date with her yesterday. we met this un judge assistant that's been living here for four years for coffee. he's from scotland and pretty young looking. he sends her lovey texts. just when he said he was going to leave, i inhaled some soda by mistake and had a coughing fit. ju always says/jokes "cheap is expensive" (in this instance, free drink but then i suffered from coughing)

there's a nice guy from switzerland who's a lawyer and a magician. i've known him since i've been here and he's a few years older than me but looks ten years younger than me. i've only seen him do one magic trick but it was absolutely amazing. he's passed the theoretical test for the magician's circle of switzerland but still has to take the practical... it's an interesting hobby to have.

i definitely feel like i'm getting used to my surroundings/could live here for a while. part of me wonders if i'll come home when i'm supposed to or not. but i miss people too much.

certain people here aren't new and exciting anymore, but i also don't feel superclose- so it's a boring middle area...

since that bad stuff, i'm sad to think that the lesson is to be friends with people that are similar to you... but i am going to try less to make friends for a little bit.

i think r is going to fall back into a pattern with s. i feel bad that she's opting to reduce her self confidence... but everyone lives their own life i guess.

got a ticket to cairo yesterday. am very excited. itinerary includes, climbing mt. sinai, going to the red sea, seeing the pyramids, etc. this egyptian girl that's interning at the trib here is going home and we're going to visit her.

sat in on court proceedings at the tribunal this morning- boring snoring this time.

have a good weekend

a little better

2006-02-22T01:26:00.000-05:00

hi.

if you're my friend, and want to know what the last entry was- email me and i'll send it to you.

the talk went ok. she's very strong. and s said to let him know if y ever threatens her again...they don't want to involve the police- for many reasons, it seems like a bad idea to them.

i feel a little better about things today. tears kept slowly slipping out of my eyes at the office yesterday and ju kept looking at me and saying "you're fine?" and that made it harder to hold it in. so after a few trips to the balcony, where i'd tell myself to look at the sun or focus on a building, she asked me again and i just started crying. she was so nice to me and hugged me a lot and said that it's good to discover things so that you'll become wise. she made me feel a lot better. i was really just crying because the whole situation had been weighing on me for a few days and i felt bad that i couldn't change it, and sad that i was so wrong about someone.

then i slept a lot last night and i feel a little bit lighter today.

ju has malaria but has managed to stay in good spirits/come to work. we went to the masai craft market after work yesterday with r and two of her friends. i bought a few gifts for people and practiced bargaining but still got ripped off.

ju taught me a saying that means you had something good/valuable in front of you, but you took a chance and lost it. "umechezea shillingi chooni" means you played with a coin and it fell in the toilet more or less. literally, i think it's you played with a coin in/at the toilet. but i think it means you played with something valuable near the toilet and it fell in. she teaches me interesting/funny little things that i can usually find applications for in our later interactions...

work is boring because they give me 2 days to do work that takes 2 hours...or they give me vague tasks minus the information that i need to actually do it. and they're in uganda monitoring elections now, so there's nothing to do but take a long time to do stuff. yesterday i walked around to different ngos asking for a copy of their human resource manual... the streetchildren place hasn't emailed me back yet. i really hope that i can work for them also, at least a little. especially after ju's gone...

i'm getting a ticket to egypt today- cairo. i'm going with r a little after sebby leaves-so end of march. it'll be nice to have something to look forward to after he's gone. the ticket stops in dubai so we may try and spend a day there also.

oh. also, one of the volunteers that used to live in our house and has been back in the us for the past few months, came back to arusha to live with her boyfriend for the next three months and see how things go. he's from here. i haven't met her but am curious to because i've heard so much about her.

the other volunteer, st, is starting to maybe start to have a girlfriend. when i met her, she told me that she really wants to date someone that's white so i introduced her to st. then whenever i'd see her, she'd ask where he was and say she missed him. she doesn't speak any english though and it's really hard for them to communicate. she's an's friend and they go to the same school here. he's gone to meet with her and talk after work for the past two days. the only thing that bothers him is that she technically has a boyfriend, but she seems pretty intent on making st her boyfriend.

didn't play in the fundraiser soccer game this past weekend. went dressed to play underneath my clothes, but they had enough players. it was semi-fun to watch. they had uniforms and everything. it was in the stadium in town and there was a local radio station there i think (a truck with loud music?). there were long speeches during halftime- i got hungry and left.

not much else. still heavy but getting lighter. had bad dreams last night. nervous for tomorrow when i see yuzzo for the first time since knowing everything... i hope that my eyes don't show what i think/disappointment/fear/that i know the bad thing...wouldn't want him to do anything that would cause problems for/with her. i kind of hope that we just won't speak at all.

uncensored- read at your own risk

2006-02-20T03:19:00.001-05:00

uncensored- seriously, read at your own risk

oh, about that last post. i'm not worried about it. he stopped calling and then called again twice yesterday, but i never answer so i'm sure it'll stop soon.

but found out things this weekend that have made me pretty heavy hearted and stressed. i'll tell you, but please don't read this if you expect me to filter at all... maybe daddy should stop reading now if he reads this...

ok. remember my friend yuzzo? he's not my friend anymore.

(WAS ORDERED BY CERTAIN COUSINS AND SISTER TO DELETE THE MAJORITY OF THIS ENTRY)

babymama drama

2006-02-17T04:08:00.000-05:00

hi.

so i emailed the head of the streetchildren organization to see if i can work in their arusha office one day a week. we'll see what she says.

so this guy called me yesterday night after i got home and told me that he saw me getting into a taxi and asked someone for my phone number. i said oh ok i'll see you around i guess. then he called me at 7 this morning, 9 this morning and i made juliana talk to him twice, and then he called again and i spoke to him telling him that i'm not interested in meeting him because i've never met him before. and now he's sent me 3 texts and now my phone is ringing again and it's him. and it's only noon. i know, but the point is... his last text was about my roomate(we're different races but he assumes that we're cousins) and it's him telling me that he saw a guy breaking a glass at her feet like he was going to hit her... i thought it was really scary to read because it's true. the guy was her boyfriend. and she ran away crying and left me there last night. i didn't see her boyfriend do that and he didn't tell me that that's what their fight was that made her leave.

anyways, this guy is weird. i don't know what involvement he has or wants in my life, or r's life. i'm not answering him because i don't want to be friends and the more i communicate, the more i'd be accidentally creating familiarity/seeming friendship... and i've never even seen or met him

(this is later now. i just got back from lunch and there are 3 missed calls from him and a text message that says "what's your name? why are you in tanzania? etc.. and then he says that he lives pretty much exactly where i live. i don't know why it's fun for him to do that... he obviously knows my name because he got my number from someone who knows my name- and i hate that he's pretending that he lives where i live and asking me where i live... i hate him. i hope that i never meet him. do you think i should just answer the next time and be rude? but i already said that i don't want to be friends nicely...)

so i feel really bad for r. i hope she doesn't go back with s. it seems like she always does. but hopefully this was extreme enough for her to just move away from it.

i ended up getting home fine last night. my friend yuzzo took a taxi back with me and then slept in our living room. there's a bed there.

we made a big dinner for lots of people last night and it was really fun. ju came over after work and helped cook but then left before the dinner so that she didn't get home too late. it's kind of nice having very little electricity because we burn a lot of candles. then an oldish man sang and played guitar outside after dinner. he came along with r's boyfriend. he's his friend... this was all pre-glass breaking... mom, you talked to the man that played guitar on the phone. and you spoke with r's boyfriend briefly. he's a nice guy, just a little immature and angry(?) i guess.

oh, ju and i went to lunch with tumaini yesterday. it was fun. he's actually much older than he seems. he's fifteen. but cute as a button. he's so polite and there's something so nice inside his face. he's been on the street for many many years. we didn't ask him too much about his life. mostly just eating. he asked if he could take our leftovers for his dog. later, ju said she doesn't think he has a dog. either way, i definitely would've taken them too.

not much else to write. feeling a little homesick.

post valentine's day

2006-02-15T06:15:00.000-05:00

hi.

happy valentine's day yesterday.

my roomate j is doing better. she came home from the funeral day before yesterday and was very upset and crying and talking about everything a lot and i hope she's feeling better. she said that the families handled the funeral very respectfully. sg said that sometimes people fight so much about religion/traditions that the person doesn't get buried peacefully. the boy's dad is from here and the boy's mom is from kenya. she came for the funeral. the boy also has an 8 yr old brother (has a different dad) that lives in a different center for street kids. she said that the boy's father expressed interest in maybe taking care of the boy's younger brother even though it's not his son.

the boy's father only met him when he was 13 and the mother couldn't take care of him anymore. the dad accepted him and threw a party and killed a goat because his son had come home, but i think at that point the boy had already experienced life on the street and it was too hard to live with restriction... she said he was very angry.

j said that the boy that passed away was always threatening/very mean to her and she was thinking in the hospital that he better be nice to her next week. and she feels a lot of guilt because at one point in the hospital she thought if you're going to die, just do it.

i hope she feels better.

sg says that the government hospitals are so bad here that you're as good as dead if you need to go there in an emergency. he said that they can put more than one person to a bed and the doctors and nurses accept bribes. and the private hospitals are very expensive- everything, including operations, need to be paid for in cash upfront. an ambulance ride to one in particular costs a hundred us dollars.

j saw a ten yr old boy next to the boy that she was with die from being treated "locally" with herbs. they poisoned/did something bad to him and the hospital couldn't help. she said that his father looked very guilt-ridden and left the boy as he was dying and then another man came to the boy for a little bit. and then they both left.

i've been reading a lot about the arusha caucus- the group of orgs that wants to solve problems that arise between street kids and the govt and i really like reading about it and feel like maybe i should volunteer with one of the streetkid places. i also met tumaini again yesterday and ju and i both gave him money. he said he doesn't smoke or do glue, but of course he'd say that- but i also believed it. i know that maybe that's bad to do, but there's just something about him that's bright and optimistic and sweet. anyways, it seems like this place (where i work) has made commitments to the caucus but i'm not sure about the follow through. if i feel like there's a real potential to be productive here, i'll stay. but after ju goes back to uganda, i feel like i won't like it here. and i really like reading about the streetkids. and i want to interact with people.

i was reading interviews with boys that were being held at the adult prison here and one of them was imprisoned for 6 months because a man approached him and asked him to recommend a houseboy- so he did- but then the houseboy stole a cellphone from the man and ran away. so the man went and arrested this kid because he had recommended the houseboy. it's so sad and scary for that boy...

anyways, so yeah. i'm conflicted. i know that you probably think it's crazy that i'm even considering switching organizations.. i mean i won't if i feel like my caucus task isn't bogus... but i will if i realize that it is or i can't push anything to work. but the streetchildren center mainly needs someone to do administrative work in their office/be in it because no one is... and even though that's not the "career path" developing that i said i'd do, i'd get to interact with the kids because they come in when they need stuff/help or just to talk.

i don't know.

i have so much fun and laugh so much with ju. she reminds me of what it's like to really really get along/be close with people. i'm going to be really sad and realize that arusha's a lonely place once she goes back to uganda. she's already missing some of school and might go back even later depending on how the elections go/when they end/if it goes smoothly...

she came with me to that wesleyan kid's birthday/valentine's day dinner party last night. it was more fun than i expected. our nightwatchman lied to her and told her he doesn't have a wife, and so did a taxi driver who had invited that wesleyan kid to his wedding... she said that the men here just say that. a lot of suitors come into our office to talk to her. and one of them came by in a suit yesterday (for valentine's day?) and he said that the reason he wears rings on his wedding finger(he seems too young to be married) are because he has to ward of ladies that chase him. i've never heard of a single man doing that before...

i try and supply romantic background music when i can tell they're trying to make her agree to date them

my stomach's been hurting a lot the past couple of days...

lastly, st-the other new volunteer annoys me whenever we're around other people, he makes jokes that reflect a "it's a sick sad world we live in" attitude. it absolutely gets under my skin. i can't tell if it's put on or if that's how he really is and just isn't himself around me... who cares i guess